I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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