Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
