i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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