We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
