im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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