the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
