Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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