dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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