(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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