A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
