I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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