Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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