Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
