His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize
