I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
