I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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