I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
