nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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