Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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