I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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