my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
