Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
