Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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