There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
