Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just gargled with NyQuil
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
