My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
