You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
