Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
