i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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