Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
