Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
