you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
