brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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