i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
