How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
