Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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