Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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