he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
