We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
