Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
