6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
