i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize