I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
