sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
