She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
