just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
