Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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