cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
did i walk over a car last night?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
