i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
