You were right. It hurts to walk today.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
