ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
