How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
