Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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