my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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