did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
