Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
