i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
