is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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