I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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