Whod you bang
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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