What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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