After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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