Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
