I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
