census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
