I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
