Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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