You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
