Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
worst night to have a conscience
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
