no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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