Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
